Rhode Island RISDiculous

Cool Stories

    For the third Saturday of January of 2004 I spent my precious time in Rhode Island for Ethan's birthday party.  It was a double birthday with one of his friends and he said it was gonna be good.  I went down with likes of Lucas and Heather and we listened to Michael Jackson the whole way down.  It was truly awesome.  We listened to "Bad", "Thriller", and "Off The Wall", in that order, which is in chronological order from old to the oldest.  Is that still a chronological order?  So we get down there and meet up with Ethan and we hung out and helped set up the party.  With most parties there are no decorations or anything to set up in general, just get some brews and party.  Not here, we had ballons, streamers, and a few more awesome details.  These awesome things consisted of a fog machine, black lights, these cool blinking lights, and the coolest idea I have ever seen.  They had a hole in the floor and they put a piece of plexi-glass over it and put a video camera hooked up to a projector which displayed on to the wall.  The whole plan was so we could look up girls skirts, but as it was tested all you could see was the sole to your shoes, which still was pretty cool.  It was over all a good attempt.
    As the preparations were almost done Lucas, Heather, and I got bored.... and hungry, so we went to Checker's Pizza.  We arrived there and next to it was Geoff's Superlative Sandwich Shop.  I was immedietely psyched and passed on eating there and went to Checker's.  Checker's looked like they were closed, so we peaked our heads in the door and asked if they were opened.  The guy was all confused and we still didn't know if they were opened.  Apparentely they were, so we got some pizza.  I got some gourmet style slices, because they are the best, where Lucas got a pepperoni and a barbecue chicken.  We both went back up for more after our initial order.  After that we went to a Seven Eleven to get candy, because candy is delicious.  It took us a while to find  a candy store in Providence and then we found one.  As we got our candy Ethan called all pissed off asking where we were.
    We then picked up Ethan so he could shower for the ladies and look his best.  The party was claimed to be a "Dress to Impress" party where I failed and Lucas aced.  Lucas wore this cool pirate jacket with frills on the cuffs and a dress shirt and some fluffy piratey looking scarf.  It was awesome.  Oh yeah, a bandana too.  Before we left Ethan had to restitch his crotch, to his pants, because he ripped them chasing his cat.  He went over it several times so it would be extra rugged to prevent him from tearing his pants again.
   We got to the party a little early, which I say is a no-no, it just feels awkward being there before everyone else.  People slowly arrived, and then all of a sudden it was packed.  The dance scene I would say was the hot spot because it was crazy grinding and the tunes were awesome.  There was a lot of grindable music and Michael Jackson, so obviously Lucas and I were psyched due to our previous experience with Jacko.  Ethan was a grinding machine and I saw some deep booty grinding by him, I was thoroughly impressed, and disgusted. 
    Because Ethan was grinding so deep he ripped his pants again at the crotch and had to go get some new pants.  He borrowed some pants from his friend Colin, who was deejaying, and then ripped those pants too.  This time it was on the outside of the leg and people kept tugging on them until his whole leg was exposed.  It was extra amusing because Ethan was wearing tighty whities and the black light made them so white.
    Most of the time we just danced and waited in line for beer.  There was this lame dude who took control of the keg and made you sing for your beer.  See the way he had control of the beer is the fact that they had a bar in the apartment and he blocked off all access from the tap.  A few times Lucas and I grabbed it and filled it up ourselves and he got all pissed.  But when we did have to sing we chose awesome songs.  Lucas sang "Baby Baluga" and I sang the "Milkshake Song".  One dude got pissed because he hated it, but I continued to sing it.
    The keg finally was kicked and Lucas and I were scrounging around the bar to see if we could get any drinks and everybody came up asking for beer.  We told them there wasn't any and they would get pissed at us.  I then substituted the beer with cake and some people took a piece, but the majority didn't.  This is at the point where I smooshed some cake into my pants and got this gross fudge stain on my thigh.  It wasn't that big, but my OCD kicked in and I got all bummed.  So the only way I could get over it was go grind some broads.
    For the rest of the night we grinded and set off the fog machine in peoples faces.  Only a selected few new where the fog machine control was and it was aimed at eye level so when it went off it was IN YO FACE!   People slowly started to slow down and I too was a pooped.  There was this one girl Ethan claimed was a model, and she was very pretty, and he claimed if I danced with her I would get beat up by her boyfriend.  I asked if that was a challenge and he immedietely jumped up and started grinding her.  She tried to escape and Ethan kept going at it, he just grabbed onto her arm and proceded to grind. 
   We then left and went back to Ethan's and watched this crappy movie he got for his birthday, "Animal Bloopers", which was terrible and in poor condition.  The screen was blue for the majority of the time, but because we were so tired we didn't notice.